Crack Still Killz
by Kiheada.Ray.T
Summary: Sequel to Crack Killz. The residents of Destiny Oaks are just trying to find love, so they hook up with random neighbors to see what happens. Crack fic with unusual pairings, complete wtih chaos and destruction! First up: Cagalli and Murrue  yay yuri
1. Chapter 1: Cagalli and Murrue

**Crack Still Killz**

**Chapter 1: Cagalli and Murrue- Men Are Pigs…But Women Are Psychos!**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny, nor the characters, but the pairings…hehehehe…yeah I'm a little crazy. But not on drugs, I promise.**

_Okay, some explaining before I begin: This is in fact (finally) the sequel to Crack Killz, so I suggest reading that story first before reading this (unless you like watching your brain explode). So the couples have all broken up and got together with their neighbors, and a few new couples have moved in. Athrun, Andy, Rey, Auel, and Gilbert are all still in jail under the watchful eyes of Siegel and Shiho (which is the only couple still together, go figure). I believe that is all…ONWARD!_

* * *

"Ah, this is the life. I don't have to worry about my husband dressing as a hobo in order to have sex with whores, even though the only whore that kept falling for it is now dead." Cagalli said as she ate dinner with her wife.

"Yeah, and I don't have some annoying kid calling me old and wrecking the highways every day with his crazy cab driving!" Murrue replied.

"You know, I'm glad I decided to swear off men, having a wife is much better, because we understand each other." Cagalli added.

"Exactly! Do you like dinner? I made it special!" Murrue asked, a glint in her eyes.

"Yeah, it's good." Cagalli replied and shrugged.

Murrue's face twitched. "What do you mean? You don't like it? It's not good enough for you?" she asked again, now a crazy look in her eyes that Cagalli didn't notice.

"No it's not that, it's just…Rau would hire a chef sometimes and he was amazing! The food was always delicious! But this is good too." Cagalli answered.

"WHAT? Well I'm sorry my cooking isn't as good as your ex-husband's chef!" Murrue cried and stormed away.

Cagalli had a shocked expression on her face. "What was that about?" she asked.

* * *

Later on after dinner she went to check on Murrue, who was on the computer.

"I'm really sorry about earlier, honey, I didn't mean to say your cooking was bad." She said as she stood behind her. Cagalli peered closer and started reading the messages her wife was sending to someone named iRockstar in a chat room. Her eyes widened as she read the dirty words.

"Oh, I don't care about that anymore, I was just…Cagalli? What's wrong with your face?" Murrue asked as she turned around to see Cagalli's face not only changing expressions but also colors.

"Are you CHEATING ON ME?" Cagalli shrieked.

"What? No!" Murrue replied hastily and exited out of the chat room.

"I ALREADY SAW THE MESSAGES! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH AN ONLINE GUY!" Cagalli yelled again.

"Uhhh, well, I LIKE MEN!" Murrue burst.

Cagalli gasped. "Great! My first husband cheated on me with whores, and now my wife is cheating on me with an online guy! WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?" she cried and ran away.

"Wait! It's not my fault! I've always had a crush on rockstars!" Murrue called and chased after her.

Cagalli ran outside of the house and cried, sitting on the curb. Murrue ran out and saw her sitting there.

"Cagalli, come on, I'm sorry." She said.

"Leave me alone! I hate you!" Cagalli told her.

Murrue gasped, but then turned angry. "Well you said my cooking was bad so it serves you right!" she yelled.

"YOUR COOKING _IS_ BAD! NO WONDER AUEL WAS A PSYCHO BECAUSE YOU FED HIM RADIOACTIVE GARBAGE!" Cagalli screamed.

"I DID NOT! AUEL HIT HIS HEAD TOO MANY TIMES AS AN ADULT! BESIDES, RAU KEPT CHEATING ON YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FEMININE ENOUGH!" Murrue screamed back.

"DIE!" Cagalli roared and lunged at Murrue.

"NO YOU DIE!" Murrue roared back and tackled Cagalli.

They started fighting while making cat-like noises on their lawn, so the neighbor threw a beer bottle at them, then he realized they were two chicks fighting so got the hose and sprayed them and the ground until everything was covered in mud, but they kept fighting and screaming, while still making cat noises. A news crew came by and started filming the scene.

"As you can see, there is a cat-fight-mud-wrestling-contest going on in Destiny Oaks between two wives. The reason for the fight is unknown, but the neighbors are sure getting a treat tonight!" the reporter said into the camera as Cagalli and Murrue continued fighting behind her.

"DIRTY CHEATER!" Cagalli yelled.

The reporter winced and said, "Ooo, that one hurt."

"DUMB BLONDE!" Murrue yelled back.

"Ouch, that was sharp!" the reporter said again.

"YOU'RE A HORRIBLE CHEF! I'M GLAD I SURVIVED WITHOUT BEING POISONED!" Cagalli screamed.

"That's gotta sting!"

"MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE POISONED YOU! BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET SOME ACTION OUT OF YOU!" Murrue screamed back.

"Ohhhhhhh!"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Cagalli shrieked at the reporter and tackled her.

"YEAH! WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT HERE AND YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING!" Murrue shrieked as well and helped Cagalli beat her up.

"I'M JUST TRYING TO REPORT THE NEWS!" she screamed.

"And there you have it; conflict is always solved when the people fighting have a common enemy…or if you just kill everybody." The cameraman said and started laughing maniacally.

"QUIT LAUGHING AND HELP ME!" the reporter cried.

"Why? This will make the ratings soar! I LOVE MONEY!" the cameraman replied.

"LOVE THIS!" Cagalli yelled and punched the cameraman. Murrue tackled the camera and started dismantling it.

The anchors of the news broadcast stared at the fuzzy screen for a moment.

"And now to the weather!"

* * *

Cagalli and Murrue dusted off their hands as they surveyed the havoc they wreaked. The camera was split into thousands of tiny bits and pieces all across the lawn and street, the microphone the reporter was holding was now dangling from the street lamp by the cord, and two bodies law strewn across the road. The van the crew had come in was also smashed, bent, disfigured, misshapen, destroyed, hammered, sawed, nailed-

"OKAY WE GET IT!" Cagalli and Murrue screamed at me.

-and yeah, totally annihilated.

"What were we fighting about again?" Murrue asked.

"I dunno." Cagalli said and shrugged. They hugged and then started making out.

"Woohoo!" a man called from the bushes.

Murrue took the baseball bat she got from the house to bash the car up and threw it at the bushes without looking while still making out with Cagalli.

_Bam!_

"Ow…"

_Thud!_

"Honey? Are you alright?"

"YEAH TOAST!"

Just then, the car started shooting sparks and then exploded.

"Oh yay! Fireworks!" Cagalli said and they watched the fire from the car, holding hands.

Ahhh, to be in love.

"Your cooking still sucks."

"WHAT?"

* * *

**-Author's Note: And I'm back…with another fic that will probably have very slow updates…sorry guys. I decided I can't wait to post this because you guys need to guess a few things! First: who is iRockstar? You have a few chapters (cough nine cough) to figure it out if the name alone doesn't ring any bells (cough chapter 11 of Crack Killz cough). Second: who are the reporter and cameraman? You have eight chapters before it is made known, and Third: who threw the beer bottle and made the mud? (Hint: the people from the second and third questions are all new, two are from Gundam Seed, and one is from Destiny) And no Rey didn't throw the beer bottle because he's still in jail for shooting Athrun in the leg, who is unable to create more haros of destruction…or is he? Please review and tell me what you think! Peace-**


	2. Chapter 2: Azrael and Lacus

**Chapter 2: Azrael and Lacus- The Grim Reaper vs. The Pink Princess**

**Disclaimer:**** Still no ownage…except for the insanity…that's all me.**

**

* * *

**

"I'm so glad you seem to be getting along with the haros. Shinn hated them because Athrun made them and he hates Athrun. I didn't think Athrun would ever do any harm with them, but apparently he snuck cameras into everyone's house and then made them attack Shinn. Oh well." Lacus sighed.

"They don't seem that bad, they're just little balls of joy trying to take over the world just like me. We actually have a lot in common." Azrael replied.

"Excuse me?" she asked, thinking she heard something out of place in his sentence.

"Oh, nothing dear." He replied. "Just the effects of the brainwashing."

"Brainwashing? Who? Where?" she asked, looking around nervously.

"Oh you silly girl, nobody is getting brainwashed! Now go back to whatever it was you were doing while I tell the haros of my evil plan." He said and shooed her away.

Lacus had a strange expression on her face as she was trying to understand why Azrael kept saying weird things.

"Hehehe, she had fun brainwashing Shinn, but she should have known better than to mess with the master! I can slip any time I want and she'll never know what I'm talking about!" Azrael said and laughed.

"Destruction. Haro want destruction." The pink haro in front of him said and jumped around.

"Later! First we have to spring your creator out of jail, since I can't figure out how to command you."

"Creator is Athrun. Must free Athrun!" Mr. Pink replied and the rest of the haros joined in the chant.

"Now, how to free a geek from jail…hmmm…" Azrael thought.

"_I can still hear you, ya know, and I'm _not_ a geek."_ Athrun's voice resonated from the pink haro.

Azrael fell over after screaming like a girl since Athrun's voice startled him.

"Oh right, sorry. I forgot you were still there. Got any ideas?" Azrael spoke into Mr. Pink.

"_Yeah, we're working on it. Bring a few haros to the jail; actually, get Lacus to bring some haros. That would look less suspicious."_ Athrun replied.

"_If we had a car I could crash through the bars!"_ another voice piped up.

"_How would you get a car into this tiny cell? YOU'RE SO STUPID!"_ another voice yelled and sounds of a struggle were heard.

"_ANDY WANT COFFEE!"_ a man screamed.

Athrun started yelling and telling the guys to shut up as Azrael stared in wonder at the many voices coming from the small haro in front of him. He poked it and asked, "How many people can you fit in this thing? It sure looks small!"

"_You retard, we're not actually inside the haro! I have a microphone that's connected to the haro so I can communicate. Jeez, am I the only smart one here?" _Athrun said.

"Uh, is that a multiple choice question? If so I choose C. The answer is always C. Unless it isn't. Then it's not. But usually it's C. Is it C?" Azrael asked.

"_Nuh uh the answer is always SMASH INTO EVERYTHING WITH YOUR CAR!" _Auel yelled.

"_WILL YOU QUIT YELLING ABOUT CARS! YOU NEVER HAD YOUR LICENSE ANYWAY!"_ Rey yelled back.

"_ANDY STILL WANT COFFEE! COOOFFFFEEE!" _Andy screamed again.

"_Ugh, I'm surrounded by idiots."_ Athrun groaned.

"_I'M NOT AN IDIOT! DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOOT YOUR OTHER LEG?"_ Rey bellowed.

"_YEAH! AT LEAST I DIDN'T GET THROWN IN JAIL FOR PUTTING CAMERAS IN EVERYONE'S HOUSE BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND RATTED ME OUT!" _Auel shouted.

"_You got thrown in jail because you drive like a little kid playing a video game and sucking badly because he didn't have COFFEE!" _Andy yelled.

"_GUARD! HE'S GONNA SHOOT MY OTHER LEG! HELP ME!" _Athrun screamed.

Mr. Pink started shaking and twitching as sparks flew out. Azrael started backing away slowly as Lacus ran in.

"Okay I know I'm going crazy but I could have sworn I heard Athrun screaming, along with some other guys that sounded familiar." She said as she rushed in.

"RUN AWAY! IT'S GONNA BLOW!" he cried and crashed through the window into the yard.

"Well that was unnecessary." Lacus said and glanced at the door right next to the now smashed window.

"Malfunction. Malfunction. Self-destruct sequence in five, four, three-," Mr. Pink started to say.

Lacus's eyes flew wide. "OH SHIZ!" she screamed and jumped through the window.

They lay on the ground covering their heads with their hands for a few minutes until they realized nothing happened.

"Go see what's going on!" Azrael said and shoved her towards the door.

"No! You go see!" she replied and threw him into the house through the window.

"AHHHHHH!" he screamed as he flew into the house and landed on his face right in front of Mr. Pink.

He scrambled away and then peered at the pink mechanical ball curiously. It wasn't moving or trying to self-destruct, so he got a stick from outside and poked it a few times.

"Haro! Haro! Mr. Pink, reporting for duty!" it said and he screamed again.

"Will you quit screaming like a girl? People are going to think you're beating me up!" Lacus yelled as she walked through the door. "Athrun must have stopped the self-destruct sequence just in time. I can't believe we just smashed our window for no reason! CURSE YOU ATHRUIN ZALA!"

"_It's not my fault! These freaks tackled me and I had the remote on me so they kept hitting buttons while trying to kill me!"_ Athrun yelled.

"_WE'RE NOT FREAKS!" _all three men yelled.

"_I still want my coffee."_ Andy cried.

"Okay well, we gotta go so bye!" Azrael said quickly and turned the haro off. He looked at his wife with a big sheepish grin, hoping she wouldn't realize what was going on.

The Pink Princess was turning red as she gave him the Death Glare of DOOM.

"Azrael. Were you just speaking with Athrun through Mr. Pink?" she growled.

"Yes." He squeaked.

"Were you plotting to free him from jail in order to go about some evil scheme to take over the world using the haros?" she growled again.

"Yes." He squeaked in an even higher pitched voice.

"And did you brainwash me in order to keep me from knowing?"

"….maybe…"

Lacus raised an eyebrow.

"OKAY YES! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I JUST WANT TO RULE THE WORLD! WAAAAAAA!" he cried and clung to her feet.

"TO THE BASEMENT!" she screamed.

"NO! NOT THE BASEMENT!" he screamed louder and she dragged him into the basement and brainwashed him.

* * *

_Later on…_

Lacus was sitting in a chair humming and knitting when she heard screaming from next door. Azrael was sitting next to her staring out of the broken window.

"I wonder what that could be." Lacus said. "Honey? Would you be a dear and see what's going on next door?"

"Sure thing, sweetie." He said and got up.

They heard cat noises and he stopped. "Oh, it must just be some cats. I'll get a beer bottle to throw at them."

"Try not to hurt them please, I really like cats." Lacus called after him as he went into the kitchen.

He grabbed a bottle then went outside and chucked it at the noise, but then saw that is was Cagalli and Murrue fighting.

"Ooo, me likey." He said and grabbed the hose. He sprayed the dirt around them to create mud and watched in the bushes as they continued to fight. Then he saw a news crew drive up and set up their cameras.

"As you can see, there is a cat-fight-mud-wrestling-contest going on in Destiny Oaks between two wives. The reason for the fight is unknown, but the neighbors are sure getting a treat tonight!" the reporter said into the camera as Cagalli and Murrue continued fighting behind her.

'_Hmmm, she looks familiar…that black hair…'_ he thought as he watched. He laughed when the girls turned on the reporter, then started rolling around clutching his stomach as they attacked the cameraman and started destroying everything.

"What were we fighting about again?" Murrue asked.

"I dunno." Cagalli said and shrugged. They hugged and then started making out.

"Woohoo!" Azrael called from the bushes as he watched.

He saw Murrue grab something and then…

_Bam!_

"Ow…"

_Thud!_

"Honey? Are you alright?"

"YEAH TOAST!"

Lacus sighed. "Cagalli and Murrue must be fighting again. Azrael needs to stop watching YouTube videos or what's left of his brain cells will disintegrate."

"Hey! That's a funny video!" I called.

"It's about toast and some construction workers dying! It's stupid!" Lacus called back.

"Exactly! It's hilarious!" I replied and started laughing.

Lacus sighed and continued knitting as the van exploded. Then she heard more screaming.

"Oh my…I skipped a row."

* * *

**-Author's Note: And so the craziness continues! No one reviewed at all, which makes me sad, but I figure I might as well update something, and since I had already typed this all up after uploading the last chapter, I can update! Yay! NOW GET TO GUESSING AND REVIEW DAMNIT! (coughs) Ahem, sorry about that…please review and tell me what you think. It's winter time so flames are accepted…PEACE OUT!-**


	3. Chapter 3: Orga and Luna

**Chapter 3: Orga and Luna- Oh Look More Extendeds…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny, its characters, plot, or names. I just own the crazy box I keep pulling these chapters out of. Enjoy!**

_Apparently Yzak escaped going to jail with the others…somehow that seems to fit perfectly…_

* * *

Orga was reading a novel (upside down) when Luna came into the living room. "Dinner is ready!" she told him.

He didn't say anything because he was engrossed within the book. She waited for him to acknowledge her, her hands on her hips as she tapped her foot. Then she sighed and yanked the book out of his hands. His eyes were large and had the ampersands symbol instead of irises.

"Honey I told you not to read your books upside down or else your eyes would turn into the 'and' symbol!" she yelled at him.

He still didn't respond so she huffed and threw him over her shoulder, then plopped him down into a chair at the table and put a plate of steaming hot food in front of him.

"Now eat." She said and pointed to the food.

He just sat there, drool slightly coming from the side of his mouth, his eyes still "and" symbols.

"Hey…I said eat…" she said and poked him with a spatula.

His head tilted back and his mouth started gargling. She stamped her foot and let out a war cry. "EAT DAMNIT!" she screamed and shoved his face into the plate of food.

"AHHHHH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT FACE!" he shrieked, wiping the steaming hot food off of his hair, cheeks, mouth, nose, and now regular eyes. "YOU RUINEDMY FAAAAACE!" he cried.

"That's what you get for not listening to me." She humph'ed and sat down to eat.

Orga's face began melting like wax as he continued to scream and scrape at his face. Luna kept eating, not paying attention to her husband. When there was nothing left but a boiling pot of soup where Orga's head used to be, she pushed his body out of the seat and replaced him with a wax figure.

"Keep eating, dear." She said sweetly. The wax figure slumped forward. "Good boy."

Just then the phone rang. She carefully placed her napkin on the table and moved her chair back, then ran to the phone, tackling it to the ground and wrestling it into submission, getting tangled up in the cords.

"This is Special Agent Gibbs speaking." She said in a low, manly voice.

"_It's okay, Luna, it's just me."_ Lacus replied on the other line.

"Oh okay." Luna said, still entangled in the phone lines.

"_I just wanted to call to let you know that Azrael was attempting to assist in a jailbreak to free the boys."_ Lacus told her. The sound of her knitting needles in the background made Luna flinch.

"Oh…well…we…can't…have..that…now…can..we." she said, wincing at every word.

The sound of the needles hitting each other stopped. _"Luna are you alright?"_ she asked.

"Sorry, your knitting makes me nervous." The girl replied normally.

"_It does, why?"_ Lacus asked.

"I don't know. I just have a fear of knit-tops. They're everyone's worst nightmare at Christmas time." Luna answered.

"_But it's July…"_

"That doesn't make my fear irrational! I'M NOT CRAZY!" Luna yelled.

"_I didn't say you were. Have you been hanging around your sister again? You know she's a bad influence on you."_ Lacus told her.

"I know, but Stella creeps me out sometimes. Hey, do you wanna hang out some time?" Luna asked.

"_Sure. I've brainwashed Azrael so I don't think he'll try to free Athrun and the others again. The neighborhood should be quiet for a few more days."_ Lacus replied.

"Yeah, but sometimes I miss Rey." Luna sighed.

"_Seriously? Why?"_ Lacus asked incredulously.

"Because Orga just reads books upside down every day. He's boring. I have to melt his face off and replace him with a wax figure every night just to get some action. Besides, don't you ever miss Shinn?" Luna complained.

"_You screw wax every night?"_ Lacus asked.

"Yeah, why, should I use a nail?"

"_No, nails don't go into wax quite the same as screws…and no. I don't miss Shinn. He was too high maintenance."_ Lacus answered.

"And Azrael isn't?"

"…_good point."_ She replied. Luna heard some rustling on the other line. _"AZRAEL! PUT THE HARO DOWN! NOW MISTER, OR IT'S BACK TO THE BASEMENT! Oh hold on Luna, I have to hogtie my husband."_ she said with a sigh.

Luna waited as the music from Jeopardy played over the phone. As she hummed along, the body of Orga walked into the room, the arms spread out and waving, as if trying to find the wall.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S A HEADLESS ZOMBIE!" Luna shrieked and struggled to untie herself from the phone cord.

The body kept walking, then tripped over her and fell down next to her. She kept screaming and flailing, the phone whipping around on the floor.

"Crap, I can't call the cops! I hope Lacus hears me screaming!" she exclaimed.

Just then Orga's head squeezed up out of the collar. "Man, it always takes me forever to come back up after you melt my face off." He said, rubbing his neck.

Luna sighed a breath of relief. "Oh, nevermind." She said and got up, brushing herself off and leaving with Orga.

"_Okay I'm back, sorry it took so long, he ran around the house and hid in the closet so I had to order a wrecking ball to knock the wall down…..Hello?...Luunaaa…that bitch hung up on me."_

"_Ooooooo Lacus used a bad wooooord!"_

"_SHUT UP AZRAEL! NOBODY LIKES YOU!"_

"_Waaaaa! Lacus is mean!"_

* * *

Orga was washing the dishes in a pink apron while Luna was laid out on the couch with a beer in her hand and a Sylvester Stallone movie on the TV when there was a knock on the door.

"Honey there's someone at the door!" Luna called and took a swig of her beer.

"Could you get that please, dear? I'm busy with the dishes and my hands are wet and soapy." Orga called back.

"Ugh, I gotta do everything around here!" Luna grumbled and got up to answer the door.

Cagalli was standing on the other side, her clothes covered in mud and slightly ripped. "Murrue kicked me out because we got in a huge fight over her cooking. Can I stay here until she forgets?"

"You mean that cat-fight-mud-wrestling-contest? I saw it on TV until you guys attacked the news crew." Luna said.

"Yeeaaahhhh…"

"HEY HONEY CAGALLI'S AT THE DOOR AND SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF SHE CAN STAY WITH US UNTIL MURRUE FORGETS ABOUT THEIR FIGHT OVER HER BAD COOKING!" Luna yelled over her shoulder.

"Why are you wearing baggy jeans and a white, mysteriously stained shirt?" Cagalli asked.

"WELL DON'T LEAVE HER OUTSIDE IN THE COLD! LET HER IN!" Orga yelled back as he stepped around the corner.

"And why is Orga wearing your dress and apron? Are those…are those your heels?" Cagalli exclaimed.

Luna scratched her belly and stepped aside. "IT'S JULY!" Luna screamed back. "Well, if the wife says you can stay, you can stay." She said to Cagalli.

"…aren't you the wife? I'm confused here, is it opposite day again? I thought that was two days ago." Cagalli replied.

"…" Luna glanced left to right. "You gonna come in or what?"

"IS SHE COMING IN OR WHAT?" Orga called. "I HAVE TO PREPARE THE COUCH IF SHE'S SLEEPING OVER!"

"Uhhh…I think I'll pass, actually…" she said and slowly backed away with her hands up.

Luna slammed the door shut. "You're missing out." She grumbled.

"Did it work?" Orga asked excitedly, taking off the apron and kicking off the heels.

"Yeah, she's totally freaking out right now." Luna laughed and took off the dirty shirt and baggy jeans, putting on the apron instead.

"Yes! One neighbor down that won't ever bother us again!" Orga said.

"You've only been involved in one chapter of chaos. Don't act so happy to be rid of these psychos." Luna muttered.

"Um…aren't you going to put on your dress?" he asked.

"Aren't you going to take it off?"

"…I find it comfortable."

"Freak."

"I'M EXPRESSING MY INNER WOMAN!"

"I'M ABOUT TO EXPRESS MY INNER FIST IN YOUR FACE!"

"Ewww…"

* * *

**-Author's Note: Annnnnnd yeah. This has been a tame chapter, but don't worry—more craziness is in store! You still have the chance to guess who iRockstar, the Reporter, and the Cameraman are. Please review and let me know what you think! Peace out-**


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